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Have you even felt that you should have spoken out but didn’t because of fear?

Have you ever felt proud of yourself because you did speak out despite the fear?

A small number of people enjoy public speaking and their views are heard by many people. They have an inordinate amount of influence over others simply because their views are heard by more people. A large number of people would rather die than speak in public... or that’s what they say when offered the option.

Imagine being given the option at a funeral of either reading the eulogy or getting into the coffin. There is something strange about the majority who would prefer to leap into the coffin because they can’t manage their fear.

The real hurdle to speaking confidently in public is a disease called ‘ego’. Does the size of your television screen make you a better person? Have you failed if you don’t have a university degree? Will the public admire you if you have a personalized numberplate?

These are all symptoms of egoitis and so is the fear of failing in front of an audience. You either get your message across or you don’t. You do not become a more important person or a less important one because your message did not get delivered successfully. Your ability to speaking confidently does not define you as a person. If you are not good at speaking then just keep going until you are good at speaking. Maybe get some help.

The ego is a concept, a thought. It thinks it will grow if you are rich or successful. Larger house, car, TV, office.... You get the picture. It takes failure very personally. It can even allow you to define yourself as a failure. ‘I tried to speak to a group once but failed and now I am a failure. Verb to noun. Failing once to becoming a permanent failure. Imagine quitting because you fell over the first time you tried to walk.

So... let go of your ego when speaking in public. Focus on your message and how it will benefit your audience. Let go of the thoughts about failing, appearing foolish, forgetting your message or being judged negatively. This is the ego trying to protect itself. The ego will probably suggest that you don’t speak in public in case you become a failure.

More positively, focus on your message and how to get it across effectively. Think about how your message will benefit your audience and the best way to present your information in a way that is memorable, succinct and enjoyable. It’s not about you. It’s about your message and how it will help others.

OK... so let’s assume that you have got into the habit of believing that your negative thoughts reflect reality. You get nervous at the first thought of standing in front of an audience. Your body believes that it is really happening although you are only doing it in your imagination. How do we deal with such a disabling habit?

Firstly, focus on something besides the thought. Distract yourself internally. Try concentrating on your breathing. Your observing mind works separately from your critical mind. They don’t work at the same time. Are you breathing in or out? If you focus on your breathing, your critical mind will get bored and leave you alone. You can’t focus on your breathing and catastrophise about an audience’s opinion of you at the same time.

Another simple technique is to identify that what is bothering you is merely a thought. It is not real. Imagine that you were dreaming about a spider on your pillow but knew that you were dreaming. No problem with the spider. It is only imaginary. How about using the same technique for the thought that ‘I am going to fail’, ‘I am going to make a fool of myself’, ‘ my mind will go blank’, ‘I can’t speak without notes’. So when you see or hear this unhelpful thought, you could say to yourself ‘oh... there’s that thought again’. It will drift away if you don’t engage it. Have you ever been driving at night and thought ‘what would happen if that truck coming towards me veered a little to the right?’. Not a useful thought when driving at night with a truck coming towards you. Let these thoughts drift and return to wherever they came from.

On the other hand, if a useful thought comes by like ‘this is going so well’, engage the thought and dwell on it. Keep hold of it. Let the useless ones drift away and engage the useful ones.

Finally, distract yourself externally when about to start speaking. Hopefully, you have your introduction well rehearsed so you can come back to it at a moment’s notice. Distract yourself by thinking about something completely different. Go to a holiday resort. Imagine eating a tasty meal. Play tennis, swim or walk along a beach... in your imagination. Listen to music on your MP3. I did try imagining my audience naked once. It was very distracting. Pop back when you are announced. A good way to get back is to have a well rehearsed opening like... ’Good afternoon, my name is... and I am going to be speaking about... This will be easy to remember.

Summing this up, we don’t want fearful or fearless speaking. Your fear protects you. If you don’t put the risk into perspective, this fear will disable you. If you drive to a speaking engagement, the trip in the car is much more dangerous than the speaking. Acknowledge the fear, even acknowledge it ‘Thanks, I know you are trying to help me’.

Speaking in public is a wonderful opportunity to influence people for good. You can help people build their confidence, productivity and motivation by speaking to them. Their lives can be better having heard your message. So if you have a message that will make a difference to audiences, work on delivering this message in a way that is compelling, interesting, memorable and enjoyable. If a whiff of fear enters your consciousness when preparing or getting ready to deliver, treat it as a friend that is concerned for your welfare. Tell it that you are fine just as you would tell your mother that flying interstate is very safe. Don’t tell her that the dangerous part of the trip is the taxi ride to the airport.

You won’t die speaking. You will make a difference to people’s lives. Be brave and get on with telling your story.