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If you can’t say ‘NO’, is your ‘YES’ really a yes? Have you ever met someone who says ‘YES’ but doesn’t do what you ask or does it resentfully?

‘NO’ is a very powerful word. It helps you to assert yourself and your priorities. Even if your job is to serve others, ’NO’ is still a very necessary word. I am sure you have had people ask if you have a second or if you can do them a favour. A simple ‘NO’ would block the path to a more demanding and time consuming request. Even a ‘Not at the moment’ would protect your priorities.

The strength behind a strong ‘NO’ is your reason for saying NO. If you are simply saying ‘NO’ because you are lazy or trying to avoid work, there will be no power in your ‘NO’. If you are saying ‘NO’ because you are working on a high priority job, then the ‘NO’ has power. ’NO’ is a good tool to protect your core needs. If you put a high priority on health, education, family, leisure, relaxation and contributing to your community...then you will need to say ‘NO’ to other activities. ‘Yes’ to being with your family and ‘NO’ to working long hours. A blunt ‘NO’ can cause problems. A ’No’ motivated by laziness will be obvious. A ‘NO’ that allows a larger ‘YES’ will often be accepted and will help you to become more assertive. You may need to negotiate another time so the ‘NO’ becomes ‘Not at the moment’. A strong ‘NO’ makes your ‘YES’ genuine. People will know that you say what you mean. They will know that you will help them when you can and tell them when you can’t.

Try this during the next week.

Someone asks you to do something when you are already working on another job or have something else you need to do. They assume that you will drop what you are doing or that anything work related is more important that anything related to home or leisure.

The interrupter ‘.... I need this done immediately. It will only take a minute’.

You. I am working on project A at the moment and need to finish it before doing anything else. I can help you in about an hour.

The interrupter. This is very important.

You. I am sure it is but so is project A. I will be able to help you in about an hour.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you say ‘NO’ often or in a fit of pique. I am simply saying that you need to say ‘NO’ sometimes to protect your boundaries, your health, your relationships and your sanity. You will become known as someone who will help whenever possible but also someone who will say when such help is not possible. As your ’NO’ becomes stronger...so does your ‘YES’.

If you would like to improve your ability to influence others, I have just produced an exciting CD called ‘The Art of Influence’. This will help you to become more successful in getting what you want from others and building stronger relationships. Small changes in the way you deal with others can have large, positive consequences. Soft skills have hard consequences. This informative and life changing CD is available at http://www.paddyspruce.com.au/products.html

Paddy Spruce CSP

Are you looking for a dynamic speaker for your next conference? Would you like your people to improve the way they deal with customers, clients and each other?