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Have you every doubted your version of reality? I recently witnessed a car accident and was very sure of what I had seen until asked detailed questions. I was sure I had seen a vehicle ignore a red light and another obey the green light. When asked if it was a green light or green arrow, I wasn’t so sure.

Maybe you have an ageing relative who remembers events that you know didn’t happen.

Whose reality is right? Whose world should you live in?

Let’s take the example of a customer complaint. They say that you told them that the serviceman would be there at 10am. You are sure you told them that he would be there sometime in the morning. They sound annoyed. They say that they took the morning off from work to be present. You are sure that you didn’t give a specific time.

Whose world, reality or version is right and... does it matter?

The secret is to identify what the other person is saying rather than dispute their version of events. The person who took the morning off is annoyed. Their need is more urgent now. Any time spent disputing the facts is wasted. Just get on with fixing the problem.

A skilled and sensitive communicator will see beyond the fog to identify what is being said. Ignore the innuendo, sarcasm, strained pauses and historically incorrect facts. I remember driving with my aged mother when she pointed out a restaurant that she visited with my father. According to my memory, the restaurant was a vacant paddock when my father was alive. I suspect my mother was simply saying that she misses my father. She was probably saying that she wished he was alive and could take her to the restaurant whenever she liked.

So don’t get stuck in an argument with anyone on whose reality is the right one. Be generous and flexible and identify what is behind the message. You don’t have to agree with or dispute their version. You just need to get better at understanding what’s behind the fog. You do this often with people who don’t speak the same language as you or small children or upset aged parents. So why not do it with everyone?

Why not call Paddy for more information on your speaking or training needs? Ph: 03 9808 8990 or email paddy@paddyspruce.com.au.