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Imagine trying to see France as the French do without a knowledge of the French language. Champagne, Camembert, Dom Perignon, Peugeot et denim. Incidentally, denim is really De Nimes, which is where denim was first made.

It is equally difficult to enter anyone’s world without a knowledge of the way they use language. How do you express ‘ do it this instant’. Now, asap, immediately, drop everything.

We store and recall our experiences very differently. For example, I recall visually with ease and struggle to recall auditorily. I remember faces very well but don’t always link them with a name. I have trouble remembering a script verbatim but can drive around a city with one quick look at a street directory.

You can create strong rapport with others by deliberately identifying the way they recall information and using language the way they do. Stick to your own language and your success rate will fall.

Here are your options. You can recall information visually, auditorily or kinesthetically. See, hear, feel. Taste is a very powerful way of recalling memories and fits into the kinesthetic category. People will give you verbal clues about their preferred system of recall. Use these clues to help them and they are more likely to enjoy their time with you.

People who are strongly visual will use visual adjectives. Bright, vivid, colourful. Imagine calling someone bright because they are clever. Other clues are phrases like ...I see what you mean, looks good to me, can’t see it working around here. If you get such obvious clues, try phrasing your question in similar fashion. What do you see.... How do you see...Looks like you.....Can you see yourself....? You will get a quick response if you choose the right accessing language.

Of course, this applies to hearing. I don’t like the sound of this proposal. It sounds difficult to me. I have read that some auditories like particular notes in the musical scale. They generally like deep voices. If you get clues, try phrasing your questions in a way that suits their style. Does this sound feasible to you?

And finally, do you feel that this will help you to create rapport more effectively or does it sound hard to do?

In the next few days, make a concerted effort to listen to the language of the people you meet. Listen to their adjectives – hard, soft, clear, bright, loud, resonant and mellifluous. Direct your questions towards their preferred accessing system. Does this sound...? Does this look...? Does this feel...? This is no more obvious than deliberately copying somebody’s pronunciation of a place name to avoid breaking rapport. I am sure you remember an occasion when somebody corrected your pronunciation and how you felt. You felt immediately distanced, didn’t you? I remember asking a taxi driver in Auckland to take me to One Hunga. He knew I was an Australian immediately. Try it next time you are speaking to a New Zealander.

If you focus on language when you first meet someone you will be giving them your full attention, which is admirable and they will be pleased right away. Next up you will need to practise directing your questions towards the preferred accessing system of the person speaking. This will take a lot of discipline and practice. The rewards can be significant whether the person is a customer, client, team member, peer, manager or partner.

I am conducting a half-day seminar on 5th November at Barton TAFE on ‘The Art of Influence’ and will expand on many simple ways of creating rapport, along with other powerful techniques to help you get what you want from others. You can register immediately by filling out the form at “The Art of Influence - How To Get What You Want From Others Every Time” or give me a call on my number listed below.

You may also be interested in another seminar being conducted by Lorraine Pirihi called “How to successfully grow your business from home". You can contact Lorraine on 03 9532 5497.

There are limited seats for my seminar on 5th November so it would be wise to register for “The Art of Influence now.

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